Practice Online

Developed by Dr. Jin Lee

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About
 

As we learn and grow as individuals, it’s important that we find a way to express our emotions in a thoughtful, meaningful way.

One of the most difficult emotions to confront is loss.

This online practice opportunity will give you and your child the skills to approach grief, denial, and anger as we all learn to accept loss as part of our daily lives.

 

Lesson 1

As we move through our days, we often experience a number of small disappointments. Maybe you did not get the grade you were hoping for on your math test? Maybe there was gum on your chair? Maybe your brother passed away at a young age and you still think of him often?

Before taking any sort of action, it is important to slow down and let your body and mind go silent. Let the thoughts begin to settle so you can name the feelings you are having. Become as quiet as you possibly can. You might close your eyes or go to a comfortable space, like the corner of the classroom or the washroom. You may put your head down on the desk or table.

Next try not to make a sound for sixty seconds. Let all the noise and distraction of your thoughts and feeling fall away. Then you can try to imagine a snow-globe filled up with silvery snow. Imagine the snow slowly beginning to settle until the one true feeling becomes apparent.

Lesson 2

The second step in facing loss is naming the actual emotion you are feeling. Sometimes it first appears as anger and you can feel it in your balled-up fists. Sometimes it first appears as hurt and you can feel it burning in your chest. Sometimes it appears as sadness and you can feel it in the tears beginning to appear in the corner of your eyes.

 

Are you feeling disappointed because things did not go the way you were planning? Did your perfect plan fall apart? Has something been taken from you forever? Is there a person-shaped hole that has suddenly appeared in your life?

Once your thoughts and feelings have settled and you have found a way to be quiet within yourself, try to name the feeling you are having. Examine its shape and size. What color would it be?

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Is it small and circular? Is large and bright purple? Is it an endless hole in the center of your existence?

By naming and giving shape to our feelings we allow ourselves to have agency in our emotional experiences of the world.

Lesson 3

Once you have become quiet, have let your feelings settle, and have named your one true feeling, you can decide what’s the appropriate emotional response.

If you are disappointed, you might say out loud, “I am feeling disappointed but these things happen.” This will allow you to externalize and give voice to your feelings and then you will be able to move on.

If you are feeling hurt, think about why you are feeling hurt. Did someone hurt your feelings on purpose? Are your feelings hurt because you took things too seriously? Are you a perfectionist? Ask yourself these questions out loud. If someone owes you an apology, go and share your feelings with them and see how they respond.

If you are feeling true grief, find a comfortable, safe space to cry. Crying is one of the healthiest ways to relieve our emotional burdens. Is there a beanbag chair you can sit in while you cry? Is there a book you can hide behind? Would the bathroom be better?

 

In order to begin crying, imagine your feelings as passengers on the bus. Pull the bus to the side of the road and let each of the passengers off at their appropriate stop. Regret. Longing. Disappointment. And finally grief.

Feel free to cry as long as you need to in order to expel your emotions but try not to put your bad feelings on anyone else. If you do, people will have a hard time being around you. One of the best ways to cry is by going to a dark, neutral place like a bedroom or under a bed or in the woods. Ask a parent for help locating a safe crying place if you need to. Maybe they can suggest some music as well maybe something by Dvorak.

 

When you are done crying, remember wash your face. Our goal is to not let our
constantly-changing emotions upset the people around us. Learning to live with
disappointment and accepting loss is an important developmental stage in life.

 

Crying is a critical skill to learn in order not to carry the weight of a lifetime of loss around with you. In doing so, you will be well on your way to becoming an adult.